Crying/Sneezing

I feel like crying and sneezing at the same time.
Not necessarily simultaneously, but both feelings are strong :/
I feel very icky.
I was just surfing through YouTube, like I do, and being mad at the new thing going on with the sub box, when I started feeling really low.
It kind of takes a certain type of person to be a YouTuber, and I don't think I have it. I'd be a person who just hides and doesn't meet people because I'm scared they won't like me.
And what I realized is that most of the best YouTubers all over seem to be 18-20ish. I can't help but acknowledge that I am not in the same age group, exactly. In March I'm going to be 17, but that doesn't mean that we'll be on the same page.
I want to meet them, want to be like them, want to be one of them...But it's more like an idealistic thing. Like I think they are great, but irl I doubt I would ever really get along much with most.
This makes me sad, and my confidence takes a dive. I don't know if there will spawn another generation of YouTube as the younger ones come into that place, but I still don't feel like I could do it. I just wish I could :'(
I want to be great somehow, but I don't think I ever will.
/dies